it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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