It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
