i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
