dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
