Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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