just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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