Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
