I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
