A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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