there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
