she woke up with a sticky ear
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
