im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
