Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
