Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
