My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Someone shattered a urinal.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
