I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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