I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
