If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
