what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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