Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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