You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
