Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
