Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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