That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ruined the universe
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
