he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
