69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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