you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
