my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
