If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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