she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i came on her dog
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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