What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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