My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
