my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
