What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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