I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
