now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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