Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
