Sry I called you an 8
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
