capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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