Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
