So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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