I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
