Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
