If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
