You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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