I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Congratulations! We have a period
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
