Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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