My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
