My first STD was from a foam party
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
