My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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