I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bring money and cleavage
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
