Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
