We named our party play list daddy issues
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
